Bejeweled 3: Deceptively Awesome

Is Bejeweled 3 a simple mind-numbing game where you match up boring gems in a Tetris-style rip-off or a fantastical sci-fi magical futuristic adventure quest mission where you venture forth to save the entire freaking world?!

It's the second one! Minus that whole saving the world thing. I saved the world! Only I didn't.


I recently acquired Bejeweled 3 because of the generous people of EA putting the game on Origin fo freeeeeee! I remember playing one of the Bejeweled games when I was younger and finding it a lot of fun. I believe it was Bejeweled 2. Now, I've moved up to the third one a full ten years or so later. That's what I call progress, children. I wasn't sure what to expect when I got it. Cheesy? Yes. Boring? Ehhh, after awhile. I did not expect it to be as thoroughly entertained with it as I was. I did not expect a booming announcer, intriguing music or a nifty time rift/spatial warp thing every time you move onto the next level in classic mode. The game is surprisingly nifty and fascinating considering that it's just a small thing to pass the time. It's not an RPG and there is no story or plot. It is not a first person shooter, so you don't mow down all the zombie jewels in sight with an AK-47. You just match things on the screen and watch them explode. Don't forget your oh's and ah's children! Substance is not really it's thing. Poor Timmy only ever liked to eat scraps of paper instead of novels. So lo and behold when I started playing in classic mode, I was in total awe of the presence the game had. To put it in appropriate words, it felt epic. Not like epic epic, but more a slight more epic than what I was expecting.

The game opens up with this announcer that just sets up the whole experience. You feel like you are in some sort of tournament, and some bedazzled man is watching you as you pull into the arena to smash gems, and he is all like, "Welcome back!" He probably also watches you while you sleep too. Just sayin. It's a minor touch that's not really that big of a deal, but it reminds me a lot of Soul Caliber, which in this case is a good thing!

The music, while repetitive, didn't get boring or tiresome. Granted, I have only played it for a few hours, but the music was enticing enough, even relaxing enough, that I just wanted to keep playing. The soundtrack was not intrusive and it only added to the atmosphere of the game. That said, who would argue against the fact that the music from an early game of this type, Tetris, made it even more memorable? I mean, seriously, Tetris has so many remakes of its music that it is insane! 

One such example. There are many styles.

Now, I'm not trying to be a traitor and claim that this music is on par with the Tetris theme. I would not put down any of our childhoods like that. What I will say is that the music from Bejeweled 3 is in that same vein. It enhances, it does not disrupt. Quite honestly, it gave everything an almost fantastical vibe.

But you can decided for yourselves!

Then there was the first time I moved onto the next level, which, if you think of it in terms of Tetris, just means you move onto a higher goal of things that must be destrooooyed. Destroy ALL the jewels! There's an oddly amusing screen that happens when you move to a higher difficulty. It's like all of your jewels fly through a wormhole and are transported to a new screen and background area.

ENGAGE WARP DRIVE

BZHOOOOOOM

PREPARE YOUR WORLD FOR DESTRUCTION BY BLING! #YOLO

It is definitely amusing a first time around. As odd as it sounds, it made me say, "Whoa." Not because it's the highest of achievements in all of video game history ever, but because I didn't expect it, and it was a nice little quality of life touch.

As if that weren't enough awesomeness, there's a very interesting mode called Zen. Basically, it allows you to relax while playing the game. You can customize said relaxation a few different ways in its options. So there's....

This basically shows you how to breathe in a way that it helps you become calm and relaxed. Which is pretty awesome. That's like yoga... right? Minus, you know... all that exercise nonsense. 

You can play relaxing sounds in the background. So you know, if anyone ever pisses you off you can go ahead and play some of these lovely sounds, and you'll become more relaxed as you crush those little gem bastards into oblivion. You can also punch your screen in the face for good measure.

There's mantras, which are basically small messages that pop up on the screen to make you feel better about yourself. It may seem simple, but even something small like mantras can help you feel better. Then you can stuff your face with cake guilt-free! I know I did.

 Then there's Biaural Beats, which I have heard about before but I wasn't super sure what it does exactly. So I went on ahead and clicked it, thinking why not try it? I can experiment!

Then... that popped up. So excuse my language but holy llama Bejeweled can make you hallucinate. Looks like I would be the experiment! So, I actually did it. Cranked those weird hums up and played through the game. There are different types of hums, and I tried a few. The only one I really liked was Chakra Circle which made me sleepy and had the description of helping me "align my aura." I had no idea Bejeweled was so New Age. I noticed a few things with that particular type of sound. I became super relaxed, my face tingled and parts of it got hot, which can happen on a rare circumstance. Then I tried another one that would make me "engaged and alert." I got so irritable. Things annoyed me, and I subconsciously fought against the sounds because they really started to piss me off. I'm now wondering if Biaural Beats have the ability to diagnose someone with bipolar disorder. Anyone? Anyone?

Then there's another game, which, as odd as it sounds, is completely terrifying. Why? As if the mode that can make you hallucinate isn't scary enough. It's a game in a mode known as Quest. Basically you have to clear red and blue gems in equal numbers. When the gems are cleared they go into vials that are attached to each other on pulleys and are hanging off of the top of the playable area.

Here's a picture because you don't know how to use your "imagination." Pffft.

When one is heavier, it starts to grind down while dragging the other one up. The creaking sound is the part that brings brings the fear. I am sitting there, playing this game. The sound of the vials shifting make me freak the hell out because I know one of them is getting closer to the bottom, and when it does, I have no idea what will happen. Who freaking knows, I can be turned into a homosexual man who blogs about games! Wait a second... When I first started playing this type of game, I did freak out. Then I decided to actually let them reach the bottom to see what happens. Here's what happened....







ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! That's actually a lie. I got a game over, but aside from that, the vials effected either the background or the playable area. Exactly what, I shall not say, because you should find out for yourselves! :DDD



But here's some screenshots.

Blue vial is for ice and causes a snowstorm.

Red is fire and causes the playable area to burn. DON'T LET YOUR GEMS BURN PEOPLE. That's just bad manners.

There are other modes I have yet to explore. I certainly haven't beat the game, and I'm not too sure if I'll come back to talk more about what else I find out. I just found that it was an amusing little gem and figured I'd share my awe and my respect. Should you sell a kidney trying to purchase it? Definitely not, unless you really like finding excuses to sell body parts, but if you see it around on sale or for free, definitely pick it up. It's not a horrible edition to any library, and it can be fun in some of your more tedious moments.

For a limited time you can get it for free on Origin.

SO GO SAVE THE WORLD FROM INVADING ALIEN MAGIC EXTRATERRESTRIAL SUPERNATURAL JEWELS, GUYS!! Only you have the power to stop them!

Reader Question Time!! Have you ever played a puzzle game that surprised you with its quality? Let me know in the comments!