Awesomenauts: PvP and the Journey of Shaaaaaame

So, I had a bit of a break. NaNoWriMo certainly had me busy. I won!! Just call me, King! I played a scant few games in my spare time, but of those, Awesomenauts was one of the games I played earlier in the month.. and well... it's sort of awesome.

Remember when I fought those kids in Wizard101 with a friend and lost? Remember that other time when a small child pushed me into lava in Minecraft and laughed at me? Yeah. PvP just isn't my thing.

Except.

I think I found a game that has made me obsessed about it.


I know what you're thinking. BUT BLOGGER MAN, THE SMALL CHILDREN WILL DESTROY YOU! Well, yes. That is always a risk whenever you try to leave your house. Oh, what? Small children don't try to attack you with bats too? However, in this game, I am destroyed by what I presume to be people in their mid-teens to mid-twenties. I'm maturing guys! I'm like a horribly disfigured caterpillar wrapping myself up in my own snot to become an equally horribly disfigured butterfly!

I'm really blossoming.
And dang do I got booty game.

Awesomenauts is one of the games that I purchased during one of my weak moments for the Steam Summer Sale. You might remember other such purchases. This one surprised me. When I bought Awesomenauts, I expected a game that would be simple, maybe a little cheesy, to play with friends and duke it out. I kind of expected something similar to Super Smash Bros. What I got instead was something a bit more tower defense where you have to infiltrate the opponent's base. It has the most hilarious 80s-inspired intro.

The way the game works, is there are two bases on the opposite sides of a 2D map.

Kinda like dis! Notice the minimap in the lower right corner.

The ultimate goal is to get to the Solar drill on the other side of the map, which the enemy team will fiercely defend. First, you must destroy the enemy turrents, which requires a complicated feat of getting small droids that your base produces close enough to take the damage from the turrents for you.

The turrents are too strong to attack head on, so you basically use the little guys as a metal meat shield. HOWEVER, the little guys also fight each other, and the members of each team swoop in to try to wipe out the other team's droids so that their droids can get closer to the enemy turrent. Then the team cowers behind their droids to smack at the turrent. The catch? Every player is another HEWMANZ! Sometimes a bot will pop in to replace a human player who either lags out or chickens out and decides to flee, or in the case of my usual teammates, leave the game because I have ruined our team into oblivion.

Behold, THE GAME STAT THINGY!

I am Blumoon8, right at the bottom. Notice that gold cube? That's your monies called Solar. That can be achieved by killing stuff, the most earned by killing other players or turrents. The column next to it is kills/deaths. I killed three guys. Not awful right? Yeah, BUT I DIED ELEVEN TIMES! Notice the other death totals for my team. Can you see a pattern?

I suck.

And that's why people leave me.

COME BACK, BRAD! I CAN PLAY GAMES JUST FINE! (In case you're wondering, I created him. Brad never existed. That selfish bastard.)

I even have the least amount of solar of all the players, which means my suckiness is even suckier.

But that's doesn't take away from my enjoyment of the game except for when it does. I enjoy playing against the other players and there's just this certain thrill that you get from fighting other people. Of course, that thrill turns to blind rage when someone killed you in the stupidest way possible. My preferred method of death is running into a group of enemies like an idiot and trying to flee, dying in the process.

Spoiler Alert! I died.

PLOT TWIST!! I'm Derpl

I have to say that the variety of characters is my favorite thing, which also makes it the most intimidating thing. Playing as a new character in a live round ensures that you will suck and that your team will be pissed at you, at least secretly. The good thing about Awesomenauts is that many many players are not very vocal on your suck, or my suck, I should say. Which actually leads me to loads of anxiety about how everyone hates me even though they've said nothing!

 The cool thing about Awesomenauts' characters is that they each have a unique style. Each one is different and requires you to play them differently. I'm still learning how to feel that part out because I play every single one the same. ERIC SMASH! Luckily, there's the joy of a bot battle, where you can play with computer controlled players to help you hone your skills, but it's a bit easy. So why not just launch yourself into a battle to piss a bunch of people off? Kidding. Kiiiidding.

I'd definitely recommend it for anyone who has copious amounts of free time. The first time I played Awesomenauts I played it for three days straight. I was so addicted. Now that I'm in a higher tier and am playing against other good players, I'm finding things a bit more intimidating. Haaaa a bit. Will I continue to play it? Of course! But it will always be with a sense of shame. Shaaaaame.